From Sexual Coercion to Sexual Consent - Changing Campus Culture
As Americans, we are clearly in a crisis of consent. And times up. We must step up and do things differently when it comes to sex education, communication training, teaching emotional intelligence, and gender role training awareness. And we must do this with compassion.
Dr. Jenn is a sociologist who specializes in bringing critical thinking to sex and gender conversations and controversies. She then integrates a much-needed mindfulness and compassion approach to these difficult topics. This approach provides students and organizations the skills to move away from a culture of coercion, and move towards a culture of consent.
Dr. Jenn Speaks to Colleges & Universities
Sexual interactions in the United States are rife with misunderstandings and miscommunication around consent. This interactive lecture is based around a personal story of a sexual consent violation Dr. Jenn experienced (video below). She discusses how and why sexual coercion is built into the fabric of so many sexual interactions, and how even folks who think they understand consent, often have only a superficial knowledge. She guides the audience through the experience of critical thinking, mindfulness, vulnerability and compassion, and how cultivating these can help us all find our voice, respect for others, and develop new campus social norms.
Dr. Jenn's personal story of sexual consent violation
Sociologist and Sexual consent speaker Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus shares her personal story.
“This was amazing! You’re a BOSS ASS WOMAN! We have a popular saying, ‘Empowered women, empower women’ and you’ve done that just now to us and so many others. I really liked the part where you said something about, ‘They have a voice, they have a choice.’ I want to thank you for sharing that story. I think it can be hard to speak in the moment if you haven’t before, but it needs to be done and you did it. Thanks for the time and being vulnerable.”
If you would like to use this video as an educational resource, Dr. Jenn designed these free teaching tools:
For professors or teachers: Worksheet to Teach Consent in the Classroom
For parents of teens or young adults: Worksheet for Parents and Teens to Address Consent
Recent Articles by Dr. Jenn on Consent
Actually, Consent is Complicated
“I’m going to kiss you now,” Tom says as he moves in to embrace the flustered Amber, a fellow first-year student at Princeton University.
This is one of the opening lines in Actually, a two-person play by Anna Ziegler at the San Diego Repertory Theatre. Known for producing provocative and culturally thought-provoking pieces, they did not disappoint with Actually. As a sexual health educator and public speaker on sexual consent (including on college campuses), I was excited to see this play about consent and had planned on sharing my reflections on it. I hadn’t planned, however, to be so unsettled by the play that I would struggle to write this blog. The writing and acting were so good that its raw truth jarred me.
Consent is often portrayed as a black and white topic. Yes means yes. No means no. If the woman is drunk, she can’t consent and it is rape. Rapists are bad people…. [Read the entire blog post]
My Ex-Boyfriend Just Apologized Because of Aziz Ansari
Within hours of each other, several male friends privately contacted me. They sent the Babe article of the detailed account by a woman named “Grace” of comedian Aziz Ansari’s sexual behavior on a first date. A few of them were asking for my opinion—was this just a “date gone bad” or was this actually a harmful #metoo experience? I’ll get to that question in a moment. But one of them, an ex-boyfriend from long ago, who I’ve had occasional email contact with over the years, emailed to apologize. Yes—an apology. He wrote: “Everything that has been going on recently has led me to ask: Was I ever too sexually forceful in my past relationships?
Yes. In one, and only one, instance. You.
I definitely forced you to do things that you didn't want to do.” [Read the entire blog post]
What I Want to Hear from You, Brett Kavanaugh
I’ve heard denial and a lot of deflection. I’ve heard anger and sadness. And I’ve heard disrespect. I know you needed to show that you are tough and a strong man. You needed to show who is in charge through your dominance and anger and righteous indignation. You’re a conservative with Trump as your President, after all.
What I haven’t heard from you, Judge Kavanaugh, is anything that I need to hear as a woman to trust you with decisions for my good and our nation. I am quite progressive and do not support the conservative values you espouse. They are in direct contrast to my values of empathy, taking care of each other, and human rights. That being said, I’ve worked to listen and understand you as a man and as a potential Supreme Court Justice.
I know this is a political process, providing plenty of political fodder. Did the Democrats game the system by waiting until the final hour to reveal the sexual assault accusation?… [Read the entire blog post]
San Diego Union Tribune OP-ED on Sexual Consent
A recent story on the website Babe.net featured a detailed account of comedian Aziz Ansari’s behavior on a first date with a woman identified as “Grace,” and the piece had many people talking. She said the date was the worst night of her life. He said he thought the evening’s sexual activity was “completely consensual.”
Many folks seem to believe they have to choose one side or the other, and place this incident in either the “typical bad date” or the “#metoo” category. But this mentality doesn’t move this important conversation forward. In most cases like this, neither side is trying to harm the other. But this will keep happening until we recognize that women and men often experience the same sexual encounter very differently. There’s a big, gray area, where a lot of assumptions are made. Both sides need a voice and language to communicate, in the moment, to ensure harmony of purpose.... [Read the entire op-ed article]
Feedback from Students
“Hello! I was so interested and grateful to read your commentary on Grace’s account of her experience with Aziz Ansari because I had immediate went to the framework I learned from you when I first read and unpacked the account. I attended a lecture you gave at San Diego State in April of last year as part of Take Back the Week and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since. After the event the group of friends I had brought with me, all of us heterosexual college women, turned to each other with our mouths slightly open like shit. We have some reflection and unpacking to do. It led to some empowering and supportive conversations with those friends and others, a challenging conversation with my then-partner, and a really intense journaling session. Thank you for imploding our realities in such a positive way.
I read the account with the terms you introduced to me in mind- coercion culture, consent culture, and masculinity training. I opened my journal and went back to the notes I took during the lecture and writing I did after the fact. Thank you so much for putting these terms into my toolbox and helping me build a healthier, more critical lens with which to look at my own life and other peoples’. I’m sure your inbox has quite a few voices wanting your thoughts at the moment and I want to let you know this email is a thank you, no reply necessary unless you want to. I really appreciate your work!”
“You’re a rockstar and so relatable. It was such an amazing week and girls are still talking about your talk and fireside chat. I also have to say that I’ve thought about sex differently. I feel so empowered and I’ve found I’m so much more firm with my boundaries, confident in my insecurities, and not being afraid to ask for what I want. Thanks a million!!!!”
“Dr. Jenn, I wish I had known you prior to today. I wish I had had you in my life when I felt powerless and afraid of saying no, because I didn’t want them {men} to be angry.
Though my past is somewhat dark, I’m really glad that my sexual future is bright thanks to listening to your story. I’m still learning to speak up if I’m ever uncomfortable in a sexual situation. Thank you, thank you!”
