How is the coronavirus impacting dating, sex, and relationships in San Diego?

Part #2 – I’m poly and have underlying health concerns.

In this essay series about how people in San Diego are altering their sex and intimacy lives due to coronavirus and the impact that is having on them, I have been seeking a variety of sexual and relationship contexts. This interview was with a heterosexual man in his 30s who is divorced and has custody of his kids half the time. In his intimate relationships, he is polyamorous. (Read PART 1 - Sex in San Diego…During Coronavirus here.)

Dr. Jenn: What is your current relationship/dating/sex situation?

Jack: I practice ethical non-monogamy and am in a committed polyamorous relationship with a married woman who has her own family. Both she and her partner have jobs that have been deemed essential by the state of California.

Dr. Jenn: What are your biggest concerns around coronavirus?

Jack: I have an underlying health condition, so we have decided that the risk of seeing each other is not worth my life or those of our families. I have a shitty heart and am more likely to die from coronavirus than the average person. Plus, my partner has a newborn.

We both have children and are concerned about our kids because they are susceptible but less disciplined, and therefore more likely to pick up the virus by touching surfaces. My kids are germ factories, despite the best efforts of adults monitoring them.

Also, I’m out on disability, so financially I’m OK-ish, but it’s a concern because it pays less than my full salary.

Dr. Jenn: Are there any other changes regarding dating, sex, or emotional intimacy, that you’ve been experiencing?

Jack: It gets lonely. When I don’t have my kids with me, it gets really lonely. It’s difficult just sitting and finding something to do and distracting myself from missing the comfort of intimacy and connection with other adults. I miss being with other people who care. It’s painful. It’s hard. The isolation is strange. I’m so tired of TV and video games already. I’m trying to find new ways to be social without having physical contact with others.

Dr. Jenn: What do you most miss?

Jack: Skin to skin contact. Intimacy and being able to be physically close to someone for a period of time. It’s rough.

Dr. Jenn: How long do you think you’ll be abstaining from physical contact?

Jack: Ugh, man. We’re all just waiting. I don’t know how long it will take.

Dr. Jenn: What are you most grateful for in your current circumstances?

Jack: I’m most grateful that every adult, from my ex-wife to my current partner, is open to learning and being knowledgeable about coronavirus. And that we believe in science. I’m grateful that the people I most rely on are being mature, and educated, and concerned about their health and mine. I don’t need to have any unnecessary conversations about facts or reality.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Keynote Speaker, Intimacy Coach, & Sexologist