Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, sociologist and sexologist, writes her sex advice and gender commentary blog. The sex blog includes relationship advice, free sex education videos, sex tips, sex-positive mindfulness, and podcast interviews.
Is masturbation normal, natural, and common? Does it provide benefits both individually and in relationships? YES! Then why do we have so much social stigma, embarrassment, and misinformation around it?
Read MoreWhat smell still turns you on? How can women feel more satisfied sexually and have difficult sexual conversations with their partners? The funny, smart, and down-to-earth Matt Marr, who is a therapist, comedian, and called the "Gay, White, Oprah," interviewed me for his podcast...
Read MoreThis is not actually about MY vagina (sorry to disappoint ;), but that of a courageous reporter for the San Diego CityBeat magazine. Alex Zaragoza interviewed me this month about women's pleasure, masturbation, sensuality, mindfulness, and empowerment. She listened to my free 10-minute guided "Meditative Masturbation" audio file, and then set up a sexy date night for her personal sexual pleasure. My favorite line from her article? "Take my vagina out; treat her all nice; wine her, dine her, vibrator-time her."
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Sex—it's great, right? I want it all the time. It's basically a vitamin that I really want to take daily because I know it will make me feel good. Unfortunately, like my actual vitamins, I'll go days, or sometimes even weeks, without getting my Vitamin D(ick), leaving me with a severe lack of bone density. Long workdays, general fatigue and laptops in bed seem to be the boner killers in my life these days. Laptop in bed, libido = dead.
As a result, I've taken matters into my own hands. I masturbate often. We should never feel embarrassed or ashamed about masturbating. Shame only strengthens fears instilled by prudish, women-hating jerks.
That said, I don't treat masturbating like something special, nor do many of the heterosexual women I asked. It's more of an I need to get laid but my boyfriend / husband / sex idiot is woefully tired / working / in the drunk tank. I guess I'll just knock one off the wrist before making dinner.
When it comes to sex, women tend to want some level of romance or excitement. We make a date special by dressing up, setting the mood with boot-knocking jams, wearing perfume and all that other good stuff that incites a bone session. However, when it comes to sex with ourselves, we often just go for the quick-and-easy fix in between the millions of things we seem to have going on at any given time.
I'll admit that my masturbation sessions usually involve lying in bed in a slovenly fashion with Parks & Recreation paused on the TV. It's not the sexiest thing in the world. But lighting candles and dimming the lights to rub one out seems cheesy.
Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus believes otherwise. The sex therapist says women should treat masturbation as they would sex with anyone. I visited Dr. Jenn's den, her Pacific Beach home, where she also sees clients, to talk about meditative masturbation. With a friendly, open expression, Dr. Jenn told me things I've always known: Masturbation not only feels amazing; it's also a way to understand and love your body. You gain insight into your sexuality and sensuality, and, over time, the sex you have improves. However, knowing those things doesn't mean you make the experience intimate, as is the case with my lazy ass.
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Read the entire article "A Hot Date with My Vagina" by Alex Zaragoza at San Diego CityBeat.
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexuality Speaker
Vulva CandleThis isn't the first time I'm talking about the topic of Meditative Masturbation. Why? Because masturbation is still so taboo for women! It's unfortuate that an empowering, pleasurable, sensual, and PERSONAL activity such as masturbation is demonized just because it's about sexuality. Merging self-touching with the components of meditation and mindfulness is helpful in breaking through this discomfort and creating a pleasant experience.
I created an audio file in mp3 format called, Meditative Masturbation for Women. This is a 10 minute guidance through your 5 senses and body exploration, based in relaxation, mindfulness, and comfort. If you'd like to reclaim (or claim for the first time!) you're ability to relax into masturbation, check it out! A donation of only $1.99 is requested: get mp3 here.
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker
Photo from: http://blog.catermydate.com/2012/01/is-phone-sex-considered-cheating/I have a pretty cool job. People talk to me about their sex lives. The topics and discussions never cease to fascinate me because sex is complex and just so damn interesting. I really enjoy what I do, and I’m pleased and proud to be able to create a safe, nonjudgmental space around uncomfortable and socially taboo topics.
However, sometimes my work is challenging in unexpected ways, like when I get weird phone calls. I take all phone calls seriously and professionally, even if the person sounds odd or particularly nervous. Lots of people are nervous the first time they contact me, so I try not to use that as an indicator that it might be one of those phone calls.
I was helping my friend Josh with some deep cleaning at his house on a Saturday afternoon when I received a phone call from a restricted number. I rarely answer restricted calls, but was happy for an excuse to stop scrubbing. The call was from a gentleman asking about my phone counseling services (this was before I was doing long distance sessions through Skype).
Through a heavy accent, he asked for a sample of my approach to sexual topics, and I acquiesced. He wanted advice on how to bring more sexual pleasure to women, and somehow it morphed into asking how to stimulate his own nipples during sex. “Use your own hands?” I suggested, confused. Our discussion continued for quite some time, as I struggled to understand what he was asking of me. Josh poked his head around the corner and with a raise of his eyebrows inquired if I was all right. I nodded vigorously – I had this under control. I ended up suggesting that the gentleman try rubbing up against a pillow or the edge of his sofa or bed. Several times he asked, “Now? Are you saying I should do that now?” By the third time, I realized he was also breathing heavily. I promptly hung up.
Josh popped his head around the corner again. “How’d you enjoy that phone sex?” he laughed. “I didn’t know!” I cried. “That SOB was jerking off while I was trying to be a professional. I wasn’t even getting paid for it!” As if that hadn’t been enough, the gentleman actually called back and left a message, inquiring more about my services. Perhaps my unintentional phone sex skills were better than I thought.
Despite my discomfort and the unexpected challenges of working in the sex field, I appreciate the variety and complexity. I think it all comes down to respect. I have immense respect for my clients who choose to face their sexual or relationship concerns head-on. But a man yanking his wank under the guise of professional inquiry? Not so much.
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker
Have you been seduced by twilight? Analyzing the Twilight Saga offers many insights into gender and sex in our society. Dr. Natalie Wilson, a women's studies professor and author of "Seduced by Twilight," enlightens the Den audience about Twilight. Promises to open your eyes, but hopefully not buzzkill the saga for you!
Sexual Fun Fact
Who is more likely to masturbate, engage in oral sex, and engage in anal sex? Someone with MORE education or someone with LESS education?
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus -- Sex Therapy, Marriage Counseling, College Sexual Health Speaker -- San Diego, CA
Dr. Jenn is a sociologist and relationship & sexuality speaker who challenges our cultural beliefs around sex, sexual consent, gender roles, and health intimacy, with a mindfulness and compassionate approach. Her site includes a sex blog, free sex education videos, sexuality speaking information, and mindfulness resources.
